October 19, 2006
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Daily Stream O’ Drivel
(with a rant and wee vignettes)
why is it that everything smells like a Necco wafer today?
started the woodstove for the 1st time this season; it is damp and cold outside
I’ve cut out coffee for 8 days and am feeling a bit calmer, less fierce
rant—my mother asked me the other day if I was starting a diet before heading to our family reunion in a few weeks. Bwahahahaha! Oh, Right, because I can’t have fun unless I am in a size smaller? What, my family won’t be glad to see me? Sheesh, my whole life she has worried about her (normal) weight and the weight of my sister and myself. if I want to lose weight I will but never because I am going somewhere, only because it is unhealthy or slowing me down. And if I did lose weight she would respond with a flood of compliments about how great I look (which to me, always implies I looked like crap before) I am fine, I am fine, I am fine, please leave me out of your weight worries. I have a life to live and I will ponder it while I eat the white chocolate oatmeal cookies with currants that I baked yesterday.
P.S. please don’t talk about weight in front of my children, they are happy with their food and their bodies and I’d like to keep them that way.
poor Lucy puppy, she was spayed last week and is fighting a nasty infection in her incision. she is on antibiotics though and should be fine (if she would just stop eating dollar bills, candles, pizza on the counter, the foam inside bike helmets, pennies, cat fur and anything other morsels she can find).
Roo
I’ve been thinking about the last self portrait post I did and wanted to add to what I wrote. It is not that I am an unsocial person; I love small gatherings and have some very close friendships. It is the group thing, the large semi-anonymous, noisy gatherings that I have a hard time with. It comes from being Highly Sensitive and overwhelmed by too much input at once, too many conversations at once. I need to be gentler with myself about this and know my limits (I often say yes because I want to but then I don’t enjoy myself and I regret it). And while Xanga is a large gathering of sorts, the interactions are still one at a time and I have the chance to respond in time. It is very different than a huge real-life Xanga party. That said, if you all have one please invite me so I won’t feel left out.
Wee Vignettes:
Trevor: “Roo, would you please stop antagonizing your brother?”
Roo: “But I love to play “tag”, Daddy!!”
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Jesse: “Mommy, when are you going to cook some high quality food? We have been eating this same old stuff for, like, forever!”
Me: “what are you thinking of, what can I make?”
Jesse, “you know, pizza, spaghetti, fish, those kinds of things only much better than you already cook them.”
Me: (dryly)”I’ll get right on that”
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Jesse: Mommy, how can you be so good at that video game?”
Me: “I guess because I like it and enjoy playing it with you”
Jesse: “yeah but you’re a woman plus you’re old”
Me: (dryly) “It must be a miracle!!!”
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I Love Doug Savage.
the end.
Comments (40)
Nice rant…and I loved the vignettes of your conversations.
I know why I feel blah when you skip posting… they are full of real life, the good, the bad and the real
Hope Miss Lucy is well soon!
One of my grandmothers was allllllllllllwaaaaaaaaaysssssss on us about weight… when I was a size 5 & I was dieting because I was worried sick I’d get “fat” … which I did because I spent so many years starving myself of good things. *Sigh* I too now accept me and am happy aside of wanting to try and be better to my body so it will last longer so I can be a grandmother or even a great grandmother, but it’s not a bit about how I look to others anymore… but I too hear, “Ohhhh you look like you have lost some weight Kimberly… doing good!” And all I think is, Geeze, when I was here last thanksgiving were you judging my butt, dinner plate portions and if I had seconds at the dessert table??? Hmmm….I shush anyone who comments around my children too… they have enough to deal with in society anyways.
I think your SP was awesome and real and very much like me. I’m social but, not. Heehee…. one more conflicted twisted part of who I am.
Have a beautiful day Julie!!!
One of our dogs used to eat candles when she was a puppy too.
Your puppy sounds like ours. We are seriously considering changing her name to nusiance.
I love those pics of your daughter. She is adorable, but you already know that
I’m so with you on talking about weight in front of your children. I was trying hard to head off MIL when she was here going on and on and on about Ainslee being skinny,e tc. until Ainslee (I found out later) was on the verge of tears because she heard her. I should have had the guts to speak up, but I didn’t want to make it a big thing to stick out in Ainslee’s mind, so I tried to steer the convo away…didn’t work too well.
Good for you for being comfortable with yourself and reinforcing that idea with your children!…I need to learn how to do that!
my dogs eat everything ketchup packets, chairs, garbage, my panties……it’s always a fun time looking under the table-as that’s where they hide all their “goodies”
Roo looks so much like Jesse in the first photo!
the little conversations with your children are so revealing as to what they are actually thinking. straight to the point yet so cute!
Yay for not discussing weight in front of children. Kids dont need that crap to worry about.
Also I dont know how long your puppy has been on her meds, but mine was on antibiotics once and it made him VERY thirsty. The vet didnt tell me this – I had to look it up online after finding puddles inside my back door. Just thought I would give you a heads up in case your dog is having to pee every 20 minutes all of a sudden.
I’m with you on the weight issue. I feel like maybe finally at 28 I’ve come to the place that I can accept my body for just that…my body. Why does it take till 28? Because from the time we’re little we are fed with the nastiness that says we aren’t ok how we are. Harumph!!
You can come to my party…just a few of us. But you have to cook something. Unlike your funny little son, I think your food sounds wonderful. (I wish I had a cookie right now!)
I think we might have the same mother. In addition, my sis called me yesterday and told me she had gotten terribly busy and lost weight and would I like her hand-me-downs? Pfff! Thanks. But, I said yes…
i guess i havent seen very many pictures of your whole body, but from your face, i would wonder where you would even have weight to lose?!?
it’s definitely a butt crack.
I feel the same way about large gatherings. I like smaller gatherings with people I can talk to honestly.
I also made choc chip cookies the other day, and ate a bunch of them. Officially I made them for the kids’ classes, but there were plenty left over. And be honest, how much cookie dough did you enjoy before baking? That’s a good half the pleasure.
well thank you for ending on that note because now i have something to snicker about. AND, yes, i feel the same way about large gatherings. they’re just too much. too much of everything.
I knew exactly what you meant in your last self portrait post. I really relate as I am a social AND highly sensitive person as well. I get it, I get it.
Jesse is hoot! I just want to pinch him! Oh, and I would like to pinch your mom too (only in a very different way).
Hooray for cookies!
Ugh! The whole weight thing! Give me a break. I’ve seen you all nekkid (or it seems that way) and you guys look great.
Love the ‘out-of-the-mouths-of-babes’ stories and love your attitude about weight.
You can always come and party with me. lol I am good for about three adults, max. Anymore than that and I start getting all antsy and selfconscious. No idea why, maybe I am just weird. lol
And your children are seriously too adorable. lol I love getting to read what they come up with each day.
Ohhhh, I hear you on the weight thing. What is it with that generation? Why do they not get it AT ALL? I finally had to just ban my mom from commenting on my looks. How can they not know how offensive that is? Gah!
Im with you on the social thing. Just a few friends is fine, but larger gatherings are too much for me too.
Bwaha! I love Jesse’s remarks. That kid has sass. (Wonder where he gets that from!)
My father-in-law is a complete maniac about weight. He absolutely cannot love heavy people. He once said to an overweight woman he passed on the street who was eating an ice cream cone, “do you really think you need that?” I could go on, but I’ll spare you. We’ve asked him not to comment about our kids weights where they can hear him, but he still can’t resist letting Kira know he thinks she’s fat. It makes steam come out of my ears. I had to cut off all contact with him when I was pregnant. He kept saying “my G*d you’re getting huge.” It was all I could do not to scream “I’m pregnant, you a$$hole!” Okay, sorry, I said I wouldn’t go on. *deep breaths*
Large gatherings give me delayed panic attacks. I don’t stress too much before. And I’m really calm during. But afterwards I can’t sleep and I have a full blown heart-racing, panic-stricken, anxiety attack and mentally review every word I said and tell myself how stupid if was and then want to hide for a few days. Good times. (said with sarcasm) I love small get togethers and wish we could have one.
Sorry for blogging your blog. That cartoon is a riot!
I haven’t had a Necco candy in like, forever!
The comic is great. I’m the “butt crack” chicken ; )
bahaha at Jesse’s comment…. a few years ago, my brother requested that my mom serve “top notch food” for New Year’s Eve. when asked what exactly he meant by top notch food, he said, “you know, pizza and wings and chips!!” boys.
and i’m rolling my eyes at your mom’s comment. good for you for not succumbing to the body image insanity.
Eli asked me the other day if he was fat. fat or skinny. I asked him why (he’s very sknny btw) and he says “I just need to make sure I’m not eating too much so I don’t get fat”
he got this from TV. and perhaps a bit from overheard conversations I have with Sean about my desire to lose a bit (even though I always try to put it in a possitive light,, or so I thought).
this made me sad. I would never have wondered if I were fat as a kid. esp not at 6. ::sigh:: I explained to him the purpose behind weight lose product commericals putting doubt is anxiety into our mind to get us to buy their stuff. finally he got it. but even so I feel he was tainted by this idea and it makes me sad.
Good for you for not letting your kids see you worry about such nonsense stuff. and good for you for not giving into your moms worries. infact I think you should surely gain 10 lbs before you go and perhaps were horisonal stripped moomoo (I have no clue the real spelling of this garment)
and Jesse’s comment about your cooking made me laugh so hard!
do you need me to tell you you’re beautiful? for sure you know this.
You are such a good mamma, and a nice daughter, too. I would have told my mom to stick it!
(((hugs)))
Laughing at Jesse’s remark about food! I’m thinking you serve like the best, healhiest food there is! I do agree with him, though, that pizza and spaghetti are high quality eats.
The weight thing…I had a mother who was constantly dieting or binging. She still does this. I’ve never been comfy with my weight no matter what it has been. Glad you have gotten past that and arent’ passing the worry on to your children.
I love that Jesse. He is so cute!!
You are perfect the way you are (=
good luck with the coffee thang:) well if i had a xanga party, you would *definately* be invited, and well, it would be a small one, but i think the best parties are small ones.
poor baby puppy:( i hope she heals quickly. i have a “garbage gut” cat, oddly enough, i swear she eats *everything*.
Ugh, good for you for standing your ground and not letting your mother’s words get to you. Goddess help me to NEVER say such crap to my kids.
It’s definitely a buttcrack.
sorry about your mom’s comment. are you sure you don’t want to share all of the xanga comments re: underwear that’s high rise and showing it off??? i love you and never think about your weight….well, with perhaps the except of the weight of your thoughts…and in that case, the weightier the better!!!
ROFL — buttcrack — ROFL
And I am totally with you on the large gatherings thing. Actually, I’m right with BelovedSunshine — ’cause I do the same thing. I think it went well and then I look back on what I said/did and realize that I must have offended EVERYONE.
Only I can do this in small gatherings, too.
Sometimes I think I’m anti-social to protect other people from having to interact with me. And to protect me from having to cringe inside. Oy, this is such a big thing for me. I wish I could just take some fish oil or something and have it all go away…
Random eprops and two thumbs up!
COngrats on being coffee-free!!!! DO you like chai tea? (-:
Regarding your rant: My mother is the same way. She’s mellowed in the past few years, though. She put me on a diet for “getting chunky” when I was 12. I ended up doing the aneorexia thing for 2 years after that. (not out of spite..not sure really how it happened) ANd the thing is, looking back on the photos years later, I wasn’t getting chunky. I just am built differently than she is. (bigger bones)
But I’ve had the same conversations with her since as you have with your mother. And I too hope that isn’t somehow rubbed off onto my children.
Yeah..I like small get-togethers too! I can do big ones if there are quiet, secluded places to go to when I need a break. Or I can do them unbuffered for about a half hour before I am looking to leave.
I’ve been doing a Caroline Myss morning/evening meditation tape that has a section where you put a hard-to-forgive person in front of you, and imagine looking into his/her eyes and saying, “what is the reason you are in my life? What message do you have for me?” Then you ask them what message you have for them. So maybe when you think of your mom and even this one issue, you can try to find the message…the thing you care meant to learn from her. When I’ve done this exercise with my mom as the focus, I get the idea that her message to me is to stand tall and speak up for myself. Not let the opinions of others(including her) disturb my inner peace and self-concept. SOmethign like that.
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You have the most incredibly full life. Mothers who rag you about your weight. A comedy routine going on in your living room every day, chicken cartoons (I love those, by the way). But truly, as we all very well know, you’re gorgeous just the way you are. Weight, smeight…. I’ve lived through that with family as well. Pain in the butt. Please don’t let it get to you. Please. Really. It’s nonsense. It’s yer ma’s thing. I know you know that…. There, wasn’t THAT profound? Hugs. Big kisses. And big kisses for the pup. Great big kisses for the lovely Lucy. I hope she’s okay.
Me, too.
Mama you are beautiful!
Hope your sweet Lucy gets better very soon.
Hmm… I’d probably respond to the weight question with, “Actually, I’m planning on bulking up so I can fill out my tight lycra mini-dress bodaliciously. Re: the last S-P post. I wonder if there is anyone who doesn’t get overwhelmed by big gatherings. That’s a lot of sharing of energies. Perhaps some people are far better at blocking all that out. I posted a shower exercise a few weeks ago that washes away all that energy down the drain so I don’t feel so drained. I even get overwhelmed by spending the day with one friend. It is a lot of work for me to be sensitive and empathetic and available without absorbing something I don’t need. Being sensitive, in mho, is a treasured gift. You are tuned in and don’t seek distractions.
I’ve had friends with parents like your mom. It makes me sad. It has such an effect, even when you can logically brush it off. Re: the social thing–I totally understand. I like small groups. I REALLY like people. I just get overwhelmed in large groups. I need the one-on-one thing to make a connection. If I know a certain number of people at a party, I’m fine because I can reach out to a few new people without feeling overwhelmed or pressured. Otherwise, I just pass on these invitations…