September 23, 2006
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There Were Six in the Bed & the Little One Said,
“Roll over, Jesse!”
Yes, there are six bodies in our bed, two of them canine and four of them human. We have a visitor for a few weeks, Lucy’s very best dogmate Duncan!
It is a wee bit crowded but they are good snugglers and everyone manages to find a spot (although Trevor has been found at the foot of the bed a few times)
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Today has been another day for canning; I have canned pear halves and pear sauce.
Tomorrow, I will can pear nectar.
Simmering pears.
Want to encourage your children to peel and core and slice apples for you, happily?
Get one of these! I picked it up last week at our local hardware store when Jesse fell to his knees in the hopes I would buy it (seriously).
Today we made apple pie
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Jesse took these photos at the fair yesterday
1st self-portrait
Roo, with mummy’s hair in background
As I sit here, I can hear the sounds of my husband reading stories to our tired children who asked to go to bed at the same time as they both hear twice the stories that way. Bedtime is loose here, and gentle. They go when they want and how they want (although toothbrushing is strongly suggested/recommended). And it usually goes well; they love knowing this is not a struggle or game, it is a choice.
I like having choices, as well.
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May I ramble a bit?
About Roo?
She is a talker. She has a great deal to say and there is so little time in the day for her to say it all and so she spits it out, rapid-fire. She is a delight, a gem among gems, my sweet and fragrant peach, my little pinon nut.
She is my dreamy girl.
But she has more words to spill than my brain can absorb.
And sometimes, I get overwhelmed and go on automatic. The little buzzer in my brain, (the one that provides overload alerts), goes beeeeeeeeeep and I hear very little.
This makes me feel very guilty but what can you do? I am highly sensitive and this bounty of conversation overwhelms me. I am brimming and spilling over and I freeze up. An example:
Roo: (upon waking, when I am at my most vacant and cranky)
“Mummy, are you awake? What did you dream about and where is my dolly and remember that story we read last night? Are we going to the fair again today? No?Then we are going to Mimi’s and will she take me out in the boat to see the loons and later eat marshmellows and touch the buoy, do you want to touch the buoy? Well, if we can’t go to Mimi’s then where are we going and can I have some eggs with ketchup and some chocolate chips on the side?”
“Mummy? Mummy? Can I, Mummy?”
Me: “um, yes darlin’, yes you can have some eggs”
This is challenging for me and I am wondering how to be less overwhelmed and how to find the balance between listening to her truly and still remain centered, and calm.
How is this done?
(maple syrup will be shipped to anyone who solves this dilemma)
Sweet Dreams.
Comments (31)
Um…. Mine is so simple “DRINK!” in the morning but at nighttime it is ongoing – maybe I should just write down whenever he starts to ramble my eyes off…
Have paper and pen ready to write – wouldn’t it be fun for kids to grow up and read what they say when they were little… 
Yep, this is the idea I am definitely going to take up because I had been putting off doing MY own journal of ramblings but doing HIS (including camera if I remember to have it handy beside me) so he can read and see what we dealt with (any moods that existed at the moment that is) would be fun rather than putting down my frustrations. YES I will do that! 
Nice photos. Duncan is very handsome. I recall those days when there is so much going on you are almost in a dream and can’t respond. Perhaps not always being able to respond prepares our children for the real world.
I was a talker. Who am I kidding… I still am. I like to think I have more control now that I am older but I still take off sometimes and am only grounded when I realize everyone else has gone into auto pilot with responses like “uh huh” “really” “that’s funny” etc. My husband sometimes does this. I think I overwhelm him like Roo overwhelms you.
I have no answers except that we compromise. He tells me when he is feeling especially vulnerable and I try to accomodate him.
I think Roo will eventually come to an average speed, but right now everything is just sooooo exciting and she feels like she needs to share everything with you because she loves and trusts you. I used to do that to my mom. My mom never made it seem like she didn’t want to hear what I had to say but sometimes she would ask me to slow down so she could understand what I was trying to tell her.
I am sure the answers will come.
I’m in the same boat with my boy. Except it irritates me more than it overloads me and I get cranky.
I wish I had an answer for ya. It sounds like many of us just have to ride it out, seems we all have a little chatterbox in our families. 
Becca does the same thing..sometimes she talks just to make noise, I think. I don’t think you can help but be on auto pilot part of the time. You are mom, and only human after all.
I had to chuckle at your bedtime comments. My kids also get to choose when and how they go to bed. I have never had any struggles with them about it, and sometimes I find them napping in the middle of the day just because they want to. I’m glad they feel like bed is a nice place instead of someplace they HAVE to go.
I take lots of deep breaths-lol. I think that asking her to slow down is a good idea too!
You two are beautiful cats BTW
With patience and love and adoration…….
Wait, you already do that.
Yes, my 5 year old son is a lot like your Roo. He is such a thinker and in all the times when his mouth is not talking his brain is thinking about everything and nothing and all that in between. I suppose I’m a sensitive person like you and sometimes it is just so overwhelming. But in that same instance it is a reminder to let my mind continue to wonder and to always ask questions and strive to learn more about myself, those around me, and the world.
One more thought…cherish this time with your Roo. When she’s grown and on her own your heart will ache to have another day where she wakes you up with endless questions and chatter.
Um, sounds like maybe she could be a writer…we tend to talk too much. Since she is young and probably cannot write you should encourage her to tell her stories in pictures (like comics?) And, she’ll probably want to show n tell, but it might give you enough quiet time while she’s working for your brain to recharge. If that doesn’t work…has she ever seen theater? Maybe she and her Brother could take the time to create a play about the day??? Okay so it probably won’t help but its worth a try. If not….maybe a combination of a little booze and old fashioned meditation???? I’m trying here. I really want some maple syrup!
Same with my two girls, both. The four year old has just begun the rapid-fire-all-day-long-until-my-ears-bleed chatter… the seven year old has been doing it for so long, I think she was doing it in utero.
I find it overwhelming and I tune out, too. I have no solutions, though… just empathy.
Do what I do – listen as best as you can – marvel at the wonder of freshness of thought that’s presented – answer as best you can – and let the rest slide off – because there’s no reason to fret. Ever – it’s just kids being kids…
Hm, my oldest is a real talker, and he’s always telling me *important* stuff, stuff that I have to respond to, or give intelligent answers to, things that “um hmm” just won’t work for. I have, as I recall (he’s 10 now) tried to be just as honest as I can with him about my ability to process what he’s saying. I can remember saying things like “Honey, mommy’s brain is a little tired right now, so you can keep talking, but my brain might not hear everything you’re saying, okay? But I don’t mind if you talk to me.” And most of the time it didn’t seem to matter to him, and he didn’t get angry with me for not hearing everything or responding appropriately, perhaps because I had warned him. With me, it was important to keep it honest, because otherwise if I get overwhelmed I lose the ability to deal with it well, and become irritable and am not very proud of my mothering skills….
I love you! I have my Matt who talks in his sleep (and mine!). I have been known to say, in my most pleasant voice, “Matt, hunny, Mommy’s ears are just a little tired…” He is such a sensitive little soul, he usually will let my ears rest for a few moments.
I want to be present, focused and attentive. Like driving, listening is done when well-rested.
Namaste’ my sister…
I got a parer similar to your’s for christmas a couple years ago (from my mom, who has an orchard and knows the value of a good parer) I cannot imagine making pie without it!
Do I still get maple syrup if I solve the dillema and you don’t implement my perfect plan?
Sneak out of bed before (and without waking) anyone else. Start the coffee or water for the tea. Sit and meditate until you are centered. When the coffee is ready, start drinking. At this point small children and large cannies will be seaking you out. Having meditated and comsumed caffine you will be able to face ANYTHING and give your full attention to Miss Roo, although full attention will still not be enough to absorb everything, unfortunatly.
I really want that syrup… but I don’t have a very good answer for you. =) I too wonder about this. I see all these childless people who are all centered and content and well resed in body nand spirit… having time for daily meditation and prayer and yoga. and then I wonder how that trasfers into motherhood. it’s hard to b centered when someone else (elses) need you so much.
I often feel off balanced and more to one side or the other. Perhaps this in it’s own way is balancin? perhaps maybe we don’t need that “perfect peace” that we often strive for. perhaps just maybe that’s an empty illusion. perhaps it’s ok to need something and give a little too much. pehrpas e are all just human and drive one another batty. and perhaps that’s ok.
in all honetly I think you may be more balanced than many many many of us. I know it’s no competition. but maybe it’s good for you to know. or maybe I am blind to your “behind the scenes”? either way it seems you are a very loing caring mother and still somehow manage to get things done like canning, gardening, and cooking on a very regualr basis. this is something i woul LOVE to have manifest in my life. It seems my kids need for me overrides all other tasks and i have much difficulty balancing that.
oh wait… this was supossed to be about you! I got side tracked.
My feeling is that just as you want to listen to and respect the needs and personality of your daughter, children need to learn to respect the needs and personalities of parents. Parents are people too! Really, though, both of my children are non-stop talkers and this was very hard for me when my son was 2/3/4 years old and I did not want to make him feel he couldn’t or shouldn’t talk or had to wait to be heard… but by the time I had my 2nd child and realized that she TOO was going to be highly verbal, I had to start letting them know that “Mommy needs some quiet time” – or “Mommy will be awake and out in a minute, so can you wait to talk to me then because I’m having a hard time listening right now?” It can be gentle and flexible, not a strict rule… but I don’t see anything wrong with letting them know how you’re feeling…
Wow, that’s a BIG pot! I’ll bet it smelled so good at your house today! No big answers for you…I am a talker, both my kids were talkers when they were little ( ds#1 doesn’t talk as much now, except now and then) and well, with three of us being big talkers…we just talked a lot! They talked, I asked questions, they asked questions, we all interrupted each other and well, it was kind of like just embracing the chaos! P.S. I can’t say I got much practical stuff done, and I know the three of us talked too much for my husband. LOL!
Why waste words?
Tricia
oh, I’m with you on the morning thing. And I feel guilty too. Fortunately, I wake up after awhile and turn my brain back on. Some days though I feel overwhelmed and I really feel like it’s respectful for me to ask for some space. Mine is four and can understand that now…somewhat.
My one year old is nursing like non stop all day and night and I feel a bit overwhelmed lately. And I explain that to my 4 year old and she complies with varying degrees of amiability.
I sometimes feel really lost and overwhelmed amongst the chatter. There are a lot of talkers in my immediate family. Even the baby has begun babbling nonstop. My oldest is by far the most verbose though. I think he only recently stopped talking in his sleep. He still paces and talks, and talks while he does chores, while he does his homework, just really all day long. I have not always been patient with him, but I have doen my best and learned that I have to patient with myself too; and Mommy really does need a break from the noise sometimes. It’s ok to tune out occasionally and have personal boundaries. I know that I tune out too much though, but my kids are kind and patient with me. They know I have limits to what I can hear all at once.
Brenna is a chatterbox, too! I do much better if I am up before everyone, and get a chance to drink in the silence. It is not always easy.
Much love!
It seems to me that just by being aware of the “problem” you have achieved what you want. You have listened to her if you can repeat all of that for one thing! And does she ever shed a tear that you aren’t? I doubt it. She is the happiest of little creatures, and very lucky, and she knows it. So she’s showing you her world in her chatter and is happy when you put the eggs down w/ chocolate chips on the side. I know how you’re feeling. But your brain is the only one that knows it’s a titch overwhelming to listen to. Or when it gets to be too much just stop and give her a big squeeze and tell her how much you love her.
I find it fascinating that you are canning pears because I was just coming by to tell you that this house that we are (also) crossing all our parts in hopes that we get, ALSO has two lovely pear trees in the front yard, of which H. and I have already munched on a few. You were the first person I thought of that I would have to contact about what to do with all those pears! Yummy.
you allow the precious chatter to be background noise for your day. The soundtrack, if you will! You just train your brain to focus on key words, like hungry thirsty, will you and can I. If you try to absorb it all, you’ll just go nuts! Also, song singing takes up lots of talk time. If you could get her to sing songs to herself, there would be less random chatter to keep track of. Just cute songs!
I wish I had a solution. How I love Maple syrup! lol. But I have the same protective buzzer in my own brain. I have three chatter boxes, and here I am on the quiet side and needing lots of space in order to maintain equillibrium. It’s tough. I often find my eyes glazing over and my mind balking at all the noise while I’m in automatic “uh-huh, that’s nice sweetheart” mode. I’m not always as respectful and present and engaged as I would like to be either. But I think you are more so than most. I learn from your example all the time. You are so sweet and gentle with your babies.
I think you are the best mom for noticing and caring!!! I am a “Roo” myself LOL and I know I gave my mom the same trouble as a little one… how to be fully engaged without overloading?
I think the answer is pretty simple — mostly she just wants to hear herself. Trying out new forms of language, voice, and expression, thinking out loud, processing the environment– it all happens the same way for people but some of us do it internally (introverts) and some do it externally (extroverts). A lot of the time we are not looking for deep, meaningful conversational responses to our statements, just as you don’t look for response to your thoughts that you don’t say out loud.
The most important thing you can do is try to pick up signals for when she really needs a thoughtful answer and when it’s ok to just say, “ok, Darlin”. I know, being the incredible intuitive mother you are, you already know this. Now just stop worrying about it
Maybe you can make a game of it…”now, Roo, can you ask me 3 questions…and only 3 before mummy gets out of bed?” If she’s able to do this, maybe then she’ll think a bit harder about what she might ask you, instead of the free association-type rapid fire questioning.
Send me maple syrup and then I will tell you! ;D
But seriously, if you find the answers let me know because the exact same thing is happening here.
I think you are doing it beautifully. When they stop talking to you then they know you are not listening. The fact that she still does is a sure sign she knows you are engaged on some level. Auto is good or we would be buried under the mountain of our children. I have has the same problem and so so many more who must tell me EVERYTHING. My teen aged children are still doing it. I love how out of the string of things she talked to you about you managed, even in your morning delirium, to pick out the one sure thing you could do for her ..yes you can have eggs. That is the real skill.
I love this post. : ) My Laney is the same, and I get that way with her sometimes as well. I feel guilty when I am in “a-huh” mode too. I would also love to know how it is done.
I have two chatterypops at my house — if I listened to everything they say I would go insane. Here’s how I justify it: Your mother is your early representative of the bigger world out there. She is a kinder, more loving, tolerant, joyful representative than you will ever see again, but she is still reflecting what’s out there, so you can learn how to be in it. And when mother doesn’t absorb every word with rapt attention, that means… either employ a filter or accept selective listening. Hehehe. I know what you mean though!!! Trust that your mommy radar will pick up the really hilarious or touching things though. That always seems to happen.